Skip navigation.
Write - Share - Read - Respond

History of the Prayer Accelerators, Pt 3

As discussed previously, the energy contained by the Prayer Accelerators reached such high levels that elaborate safety measures were required, including automatic power shutdown of any chamber that might be opened during operation. Indeed, as Accelerator doors were similar to bank vault doors, they required several minutes to even open. As a result, it was actually impossible to be exposed to or see a chamber in operation.

Some time during the early 2030s a confluence of mishaps and management clashes occurred at the Arizona Prayer Works (APW), a very large complex on the outskirts of what was geater LA at the time, and which catered to the very wealthy in that part of the country. This mishap involved the failure of liquid nitrogen-cooled driver magnets, alongside a faulty sensor system. Eventually, Prayer technicians at the APW discovered that several of the Elite-level Prayer chambers had ceased operating for as long as possibly 18 months, and yet no complaint had been received by the patrons of the ultra high-end chambers. Meanwhile, a new set of upper-level managers had recently descended on the Works (as they were known at the time), who had unrealistically aggressive profit targets. This caused a search for ways to reduce Opex costs, and eventually the inevitable occurred. First, high-energy Accelerators were switched to a "more efficient mode of operation", which really meant nothing else than turning down the chamber energies in order to conserve costs. From there things went predictably downhill, with the result that by approximately 2038 all of the high-end prayer chambers at the APW actually did nothing inside them whatsoever.

Of course, as with any Prayer Accelerator facility, there were suspicions that not all of the services being contracted for were actually being delivered inside a prayer chamber. There were lawsuits and countersuits, with the APW vigorously defending itself in coutrooms and in the blogpress.

By the time William Afham forced the APW's executives into his Elite Prayer Chamber and turned it on, his life had gone from bad to worse. With the final end of all hostilities in the middle east, his lucrative practice as a Memory Transplant Engineer had collapsed, as it was no longer necessary to alter the memories of middle eastern detainees (at that time memory transplants were routinely performed on Middle Eastern detainees, allowing them to "remember" that they had grown up with Christian beliefs and American values). Rather than recognizing his loss of income as an inadvertent dividend of world peace, he instead blamed the end of hostilities on a faulty prayer chamber. That as well as the collapse of several key social relationships caused him to be certain that his very expensive Prayer Chamber could not be operating as advertised, otherwise Diety would have blessed him rather than cursed. He therefore studied Chamber Safety and shutdown technologies and figured out how to force it to operate with live persons inside it. That they emerged alive and even unscathed (with their hearing intact) proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the chambers at this most visible Accelrator facilities did nothing. This signified the end of the era of the Prayer Accelerators, the last of which ceased operation within a decade of the event.

Finally, some consideration should be given about the current 21EE inforganic virus. This virus apparently was a spontaneous emanation from 21st century memory servers. It causes the infected to believe that they reside in the early 21st century and, to date, it becomes difficult to even pass them information indicating this might not be the actual truth (ie, the virus translates all inherently post-21st Century experiences into events and facts that may be nominally placed in the early 21st century). With the Prayer accelerators, however, no information about them is known to have been placed into the memory servers, so it is hoped that the resulting "cognitive dissonance" might jolt them into a memory that could only have occurred with "real reality", as opposed to the virtual one mediated by the memory servers.

It is the opinion of this

It is the opinion of this researcher that there are certain difficulties in the writing, editing, and production of pseudo-technical articles in an attempt to produce yucks. The deliberately passive-voice, passionless style generally used in true technical writing was deliberately devised to remove any intimation of levity, and the overblown vocabulary utilized in such undertakings reeks of bloviation, and can be perceived as a feeling of severe discomfort in the region of the gluteal muscles.

However, in the opinion of this researcher, the writer of this article has performed this difficult task in an acceptable matter.

Whether any real or perceived dissatisfaction with the actions of Jesus sellers is warranted is impossible for this author to judge; and, indeed, opinions on this matter are likely to be so firmly set and so warmly defended that any statements from this researcher in this area would be of minimal utility.

"History of Prayer

"History of Prayer Accelerators" is a thinly disguised attempt at political satire/commentary. I'm not sure where you found your contempt of Christianity, but I will pray that God opens your eyes and softens your heart.

As for the story has potential. A little editing, some spell checking and content tweaking (by that i mean clarification of what the prayer accelerators are and what they do) and you have a viable piece of fiction. Keep up the good work. Ease up on the commentary, beef up the story more on the function of the accelerators, what they do, how they work...and you will probably win more readers.

Overall, not bad.


You may want to know that the name 'William Afham' is one of the psuedonyms of Kierkegaard, and that this was my hint to the particularly astute that my critcisms of the American church were coming from within, not without.

My next ppiece will be an actual story, in case anyone cares...

I'm gonna back up this

I'm gonna back up the second part of this comment here. A little clarification might be nice. Do they just broadcast pre-recorded prayers more *loudly*, or do they do something else? When talking about the Keeping Up with the Joneses aspect, you mention that the idea is to use more energy. Just waste it? Lights? Bells and whistles? Prayer in hundreds of languages simultaneously? Rotating, fire-shooting deific images? There's still tons of room for comedy here, and it seems that's what you're going for. I like it, but you can cram this thing full of comedy by adding detail. And that won't conflict with the essentially un-funny scientific narration voice Hafoc was talking about.

Alternately, a piece that actually covers the events that occurred in 2042 might have more room for tension.

I think you can pinpoint the

I think you can pinpoint the contempt for *Evangelical* Christianity, obviously not all of Christianity, right here: "Starting with TV Evangelists of the late 1980s, prayer tapes were sold and circulated as a guided aide in prayer, helping the faithful formulate their concerns and desires in a way that would maximize their chances of being granted."

Is profiting off people's depressions, diseases, and misfortunes a good thing?

And here: "The Physics of High Energy Prayers was the central course of study for Accelerator majors, alongside other currently extinct subjects such as Resurrection Science and Creation Science (the latter of which attempted to redefine basic laws of physics and astrophysics in order to explain how the earth had formed recently while the rest of the solar system had not)."

Meh, my 2 pence.

Hi, just letting you know

Hi, just letting you know you tagged this blog as 1 tag "Fake wikipedia wiki entry entries Prayer Accelerator", not separate tags.