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descent

A short, unfinised story. My first attempt at writing, i think my language might be a little too verbose...

Briefly pausing, Newfan looked out over the four endless outward spiraling arms; conduits made of steel tube enclosing bi-directional haulage for person and materials. It was nothing new to Newfan, as he had been servicing these tubes for years, overhauling mechanical and software systems to better route station personnel throughout the space station. Currently, the station was bristling with activity; station promotions in “the Daily Space” stated an increase in station turnover if 20% last year alone. Yet, in terms of his life, this really was of little consequence; except for the increasingly frequent buzzing sound of maglev modules zipping thru intersection 403 (or i403). His living quarters were adjacent to the crossroads, and were no bigger than 3x3m, a single bed stacked atop a small living compartment, with vacuum toilet and sxShower close by. On the other side of the intersection was a store room, containing mostly maintenance related equipment for servicing the junction. The walls of his unit, thick with insulation, efficiently holding the life giving warmth in and the lethal stellar radiation out. This was the barrier between His life and cold empty space. He lived so close to nothing, a feeling that the majority of Alpha Space-City dwellers experience only in the commercial dinning and relaxation facilities offered at each of the 9 city nodes. Even those affluent enough in Intergalactic society to live at Alpha in an Outer Compartment, those whom overlook the city from their windowed lounges with the security of knowing society, an intermix brew of galactic cultures, was never far away. For Newfan the trek by Maglev Module was half an hour to the nearest City Node. As the company had only granted him only 4 module passes a month, he had to treasure the infrequent contact with the rest of the society, and planned each of his 8 hour excursions to the utmost detail. For the remaining time, he would sit in his living booth, preoccupied by the view out of the three 50cm windows, over the vast array of connecting transport conduits, 7 of which intersected at his intersection.

Newfan had paused as the ceiling light had changed from a sterile colorless glow to an illuminating red. Signaling that a predefined threshold had been exceeded, the computer had begun counting, impatiently awaiting his response at the universal control screen (UniControl) at the entrance to his compartment. In a temporary hiatus he stared emptily out the window, contemplating everything yet nothing in particular, then suddenly he sprang, somewhat automatically, to the door. He squeezed thru into the airlock, unconsciously pressing the flashing button on the UniControl to halt the countdown before the aural alarm triggered. Under the small seat in the airlock, he reached for his gravity boots, while simultaneously analyzing the visual display before him. The screen presented the status of the critical systems that intersected at the junction; not only do the Maglev Modules dynamically route here, but also power, information and liquid / gas substances. Each entered into the intersection, and could automatically be divided and directed out of any of the remaining 6 pipes. And as the city nodes at Alpha Space Station could exist independently for only a few hours, and while, due to redundancy, the reliance on any one path between City Nodes was small, the entire network was critical to maintaining this immense Space Station.

This time it was liquid conduit that had stopped, a relatively urgent problem, as far as urgent problems go for a simple Intersection Worker.

You've clearly put some

You've clearly put some serious thought into the technology of Alpha Space City, and it shows in the detail.

The language could use some polishing and editing down, but I think the main thing is to start building on what you already have. Develop some more characters, give them something to do--maybe a problem to solve--and then bring this technology into the story as they set about trying to deal with it.

Your language is good but,

Your language is good but, as you say, a little too verbose. Also there is no story here, we have one character and little conflict.

Try starting with immediate conflict that ties directly to the point of the story. Work your backstory in later.