Skip navigation.
Write - Share - Read - Respond

Anointeth- Part One

The letter came as soft and silently as any weapon devised by man. Nonprofit org. U.S. Postage paid. Permit No. 6655.

Two Homes Are About To Be Blessed...
Then It Must Go To Another Dear Friend


It was the last envelope in the stack, under the gas bill and credit card applications. It was the eagle that caught my eye before the text. The eagle carried an olive branch in the right claw and a bundle of arrows in the left. It was drawn with a crude majesty, a totem from some ancient cave.

I flipped the other letters down on the kitchen counter. On the back was a prayer to Jesus. It assured me that this letter had been prayed over and blessed. It implied financial gain if the steps in the letter were followed.

This tripped my bullshit detector. My old man used to tell me about these cons that ran out of abandoned churches. A new preacher would come in, bury the old folks that still attended, then swipe the land and assets for himself. Turn a legitimate operation crooked, then use it to get more. He said that he’d seen a lot of sick shit, but this took the cake. He never liked seeing old folks get treated bad.

Still, I opened the letter. There wouldn’t be a story if I hadn’t.

The envelope held five separate packets. The first was a postpaid envelope. In the return address, bold type declared THIS IS THE NEXT MORNING- The Church Will Pay This Postage. Drop In Any Mailbox. On the back, under a series of numbers, I noticed that this was all addressed to Resident - To A Friend. The bullshit meter jumped a couple of notches and made a whoop-whoop noise.

The next item as a double tri-folded cream colored poster that declared itself to be a Prayer Rug... Soaked With The Power Of Prayer. This bit of miracle paper was printed on on side with Jesus. He had a crown of thorns and looked vaguely like Kurt Cobain. His eyes were closed. The directions were to meditate and to stare into the eyes of Jesus until they opened.

The next paper contained the directions: the Prayer Rug and a survey that revealed personal information were to be mailed back immediately, so that my FREE SPIRITUAL GIFT could be distributed ASAP.

The next item was a tri-folded brochure that was filled with testimonials from initials from varied states. It promised that the Prayer Rug was a point of contact. Some had been blessed in cash ranging from $5,000 to $46,888.20. Others were blessed in houses and land. Others had been healed. All of them had followed the directions. They were rewarded.

The final paper was sealed with a clear plastic seal. It was very important that I not open this final prophecy until I had followed all of the directions regarding the Prayer Rug and the survey. This Sacred Prophecy was to be destroyed, unopened and unread, should I not follow all of the directions.

I took the poster to the bathroom and taped it on the mirror over the sink. I stared at the closed eyes for a moment, then looked at the paper from a few different angles. It didn’t look right. Too shiny.

I turned off the light. The Bright Open Eyes of Jesus looked back at me.

Not what I was expecting, but it’s pretty effective. A light luminescent paint over the eyes. In a dim room, the eyes would seem to reflect back like little mirrors. Enough to give somebody with bad eyesight or a severe case of faith the miracle that they wanted.

The survey contained a prayer request form with questions designed to ascertain the age, sex, health, and finances of the Resident - Dear Friend who returned it with the Anointed Prayer Rug. I though about making myself about sixty years older, $700,000 richer, and giving myself a bad heart and diabetes when I replied. But then I decided, what the hell. Just jump into it with your Real Identity.

So I did. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have. This is the way stupid things always happen. I don’t know how to explain my actions at that time. I was really messed up. I was looking for something. The problem with not knowing what you’re looking for, is that it always finds you.

After I filled out the survey, I folded it into the Prayer Rug and mailed it at the mailbox next to the 7-11. Then, I went home and opened the prophecy.

It was written by Jesus. He called me his child. He said that no mystery could be withheld from the mind open to His spirit. He spoke in ALL CAPS.

He declared a great change to come. Unspeakable Power was now in my hands. All I needed was some direction.

Direction knocked on my door two weeks later.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.

A good chapter one. You have

A good chapter one. You have to like a guy who's smart enough to recognize something as a really bad idea, but can't help himself from doing it anyway.

I also loved all the detail you put into the different parts of the junk mail.

Nice start

Nice start. A ho-hum everyday event turned into something more? Just enough to get you to read past the first few lines and suddenly we find ourselves hooked. Looking forward to finding out about the knock at the door.
You make a persuasive argument. And by that, I mean there are more of you and you are using that to coerce me into obeying your moral code. - Belkar

Ok. So what happened?

One of the fundamental things that must happen in a story is that something must happen for there to be a story. There must be some kind of a change taking place or you're not writing a story, you're writing a vignette. Is this an incomplete piece? What is the change being evoked in this story. It could be really awesome, but right now this piece is simply a great start. I like the Jesus wrote in ALL CAPS bit. I like the rest of it. I don't get the foreshadowing for an end that never comes. Did I miss something?


Oops. I F-ed up, that's what happened.

Sorry, Gabe. Was in a rush, and I hit the publish button before I checked the title. This
is the first part of the story. I'll fix it right away.

Thanks for reading, though. Hope the rest of the story pays off for you.

every wall collapses, given enough time.