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Delya Pasinia - Part I

Here is the first part of a story I've been working on for a few months. I already have nine parts done, but I'm only going to post about once a week since I write slow. Later parts are somewhat disturbing and not suitable for work or small children. It started off as a fantasy due to it being based on an RPG character of mine, but I am re-writing it as science fantasy.

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Delya stormed out of her hut yelling across the courtyard, "I've been with you to visit the Trevvan before. I want to go again! Why won't you let me come, Papa?" She watched as Pasinia Deriya turned back to gaze at her patiently. Her father turned back to gaze at her patiently. Giving him her best "I'm the cutest five-year-old in the world" smile she twirled her dark brown hair. She had manipulated him into bringing her along many times and she knew this trick was one of her best, but she could see from across the open courtyard that he was going to be unwilling to give this time. Still, she would not let him go without at least trying.

"Sweet one, we have been over this. Things have changed and it is no longer safe for you." Her father trailed off and moved his horse a few steps closer to her. Pasinia spoke softly to himself as he did so, but her fine ears picked it up despite, "I wish you understood I was trying to prevent a war here little one. You're still just a baby."

As she gasped and took a step forward, completely missing that he had called her a baby, which she hated, Pasinia cut her off before she could say anything, "Once it is again safe I promise..." Delya never heard her fathers promise. Her tiny body was being hurled into the air in a searing pain, as if all the flesh was being peeled off her skin as she tumbled. All noise was being drowned out by the roar of a dragon. Her father said that dragons did not exist, but what else could possibly make such a noise? When she finally hit the ground ages later she saw thin wisps of flame turning to smoke and drifting away from where she had been standing. Yes, it was a dragon she thought as the world in front of her turned gray and faded away.

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Delya was aware of dragons all around her. Their had to be a dozen of the great beasts tearing apart the village, which one alone could have done in minutes. She crawled into the wreckage of a building and looked around for her father. He was no were to be seen. She had to find him, but she was too small. What was she going to do?

Suddenly one of the dragons ripped apart the rubble she had crawled into and stared her down with a flaming red eyeball that seemed larger than her. A black talon reached down to her and she was enclosed within a claw so big she could roll over if she wished. Delya felt herself jerked into the air and looked out between the massive claws of the black dragon which held her. She was already soaring high in the sky and leaving the little village far behind.

The ground below her was a blur as it rushed past before giving way to ocean and then green land once again. After what must have been only a few minutes the dragon spiraled down to a mountain set into a lush green land. She was placed on a precipice so high she couldn't see the forest below her. "What do you want with me," Delya screamed up at the face of the creature set into a permanent scowl.

When the dragon turned to stare at her she was unsurprised that she could understand it, but she was shocked by the boom of its voice, so loud it seemed to push her backwards. As it spoke the vibrations made the entire left side of her body ache. "You're to be my wife. There is a dress in the cave behind you. Get out of those filthy rags." Delya gasped at this and turned around slowly. A large cave stood in the wall of stone behind her where a moment before there had been none. She turned back to the dragon and was prepared to argue when the giant mouth opened baring its massive teeth.

Delya scurried inside the cave to escape the dragon and slid behind a rock inside. Looking around she saw it was a dismal little place with all the furniture made out of stone. Then her eyes spotted upon the dress. It was a beautiful gown of red with black embroidery and lace all around. She looked back out and saw the beast staring at her with one large eye pressed against the cave opening. She sat still for a few minutes and then realized she had no other options. She asked herself, "Would it hurt to just take a closer look at the dress?"

She slowly made her way to the dress keeping one eye on the fiery globe watching her. When Delya reached the dress and touched it she turned all of her attention to it. The material was so soft and fine. It was softer than the smoothest silk or cashmere her father had ever bought her. It was so thin she would freeze if she wore it though and it must be sheer. She slid a hand under the fabric to prove this to herself and discovered it to be both warm and opaque despite the look. Then her eye caught the many black gems exquisitely worked within the embroidery and she couldn't help herself any longer.

Starting to unbutton her blouse Delya froze and turned to see the eye watching her. She wouldn't let a boy see her and she wasn't going to let that thing see her either. Slipping back behind her rock she changed quickly and moaned in delight. The material was as light as if she was naked, but as toasty as sitting in front of the fireplace, listing to Papa's stories, on a cold winter night. Slowly, cautiously she stepped out from behind the rock and showed herself to the dragon.

Suddenly the dragon was gone and she saw a frightened, but radiant little girl. Slowly her eyes took in the girl, only five years old, she held herself as if older and more sure of herself than her few years should provide. The brown hair fell down straight over her shoulders until the tips until the tips which faded to a shade of red that reminded her of blood as they curled gently. The cold blue of the eyes somehow offset and enhanced the pale shade of her fine skin. The dress that the girl wore was exquisite in cut and design in perfect shades of red and black. She felt a strange desire to approach the girl that she couldn’t shake off.

She gasped as the dragon blinked and she found herself looking at its eye again. "How?" She spoke softly before trailing off. Delya had been watching herself through the eyes of the monster that had kidnapped her. Suddenly a cold fury rose up inside of her. "Get away from me! Leave me alone you horrible thing!"

As she yelled the dragon backed away and laughed at her. As it did so the rumbling made Delya's side begin to ache horribly again. She ran back behind her rock and began to sob uncontrollably. She was vaguely aware of a beat of wings and an absence around her. She cried out softly for her Papa and wished with all of her might that he was there with her.

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She most have cried herself to sleep, for a while later she awoke with a start. Running out of the cave she looked around. There, climbing up the hill was a knight in polished armor on a glowing white horse. The forest wasn't so far down as she had thought and what she had taken earlier for a sheer cliff was really just a steep hill; not even too much for the horse carrying an armored rider. When the horse reached the top Delya ran up to it in order to see who had come for her.

The knight lifted its helm and she saw the tallest and most handsome man she had ever seen. He had black hair and beautiful blue eyes that sparkled in the sun. The smile on his strong face radiated down at her. "Papa!" Her Papa had raced across the ocean almost as fast as the dragon flew and had come to rescue her.

He put out his hand to lift her up and she grabbed his hand to let her. When she lifted her arm to his it suddenly seemed to burst in pain. Her entire body was racked with misery. Delya opened her eyes to see the dragon had slammed into her as it flew past and pierced her father upon one of its claws. She saw his hand still reached out for her as the dragon flew away with him, but she was unable to move because of the pain. She began to scream for him, "Papa! Papa! The dragon! Papa! No! Paaapppaaaa!"

Slowly her Papa's face faded into view hovering above her. He was a ghost! She began to cry again until he reached out and touched her face. Ghosts couldn't touch you could they? "Shh, sweet one. I am safe. There was no dragon. You've been dreaming sweet one."

Pasinia looked as if he was trying to decide how much to say. "I'm afraid that I have failed in my mission and you were almost killed in the process. Delya, darling. A bomb exploded in the village almost directly on top of you. Someone snuck a bomb into the village. Everything is ok now though. A healer has seen you and he saved your life. No one is going to hurt you anymore."

Delya tried to sit up and realized that the pain had not gone away with the dream. It felt as if her left arm and leg were pinned to the table with a pair of flaming stakes. She screamed out in pain and the world began to swim again. Her father quickly pressed her back down with a gentle hand. "Please do not move sweet one. The healer has not... He has not yet completely healed you. Many of your bones are not yet set. Just have a sip of this and lay back for now. Try to rest." She took a sip of a strange tasting liquid from her father and the world once again faded to black.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
© Flendon

kelson.philo's picture

I like this a lot, how Delya

I like this a lot, how Delya straddles two worlds. It's going to be interesting seeing how her world unfolds.

cwithey's picture

Critique

First and foremost, I am C Withey, recent newcomer to Oort-Cloud, unpublished and amateur author with virtually no reputation under my belt to back my words. So how much you decide to take away from this critique is entirely up to you.

You used the phrase "Turned back to gaze at her patiently" twice by accident. I'm confident that you've discovered this on your own by now, but I've only just read it.

The girl had been hurled into the air, filled with searing pain, with the flesh burnt from her body, all smack dab in the middle of a conversation? Oh, my. Something like that happened to me once, talking to my brother's wife. Oh, wait. I only wish it had.

"The dragon's face was scowling?" Really? Sounds nifty. Hard to picture, though. I, as a reader, would appreciate more detail on the anatomy of the dragon, as well as more generally throughout.

And she's going to marry this dragon? Beware the honeymoon.

"Her eyes spotted upon the dress." Substitute with 'Her eyes fell upon the dress' or 'She spotted the dress.'

"as if she was naked." Substitute with were naked. ...I think. Seems to flow better in my ears, but I'm not sure why naked would be plural. Thoughts?

Watch yer commas. You have some sprouting up where there need not be any.

"Until the tips" was typed twice. Take care to watch for this while proofreading.

While reading, I wondered why only her side kept hurting. Thought it was an error. Then I read the end. It wasn't. Well done.

I'm not certain how one could confuse a vertical cliff face (which I pictured) for a "horse-able" hill slope. Yes, that is a word. Now.

The rider reminds me of myself, naturally.

How did he ride across the ocean on horseback, anyway? Divine Intervention?

Caught myself wondering if a father really would say that to his daughter (at the end, about the bomb exploding on her head). Seems kinda dramatic. Dads always tone stuff down to keep the kid calm. (No, son, the plane isn't going to crash, we're just going over a rollarcoaster is all. Nevermind the way the ground is approaching us so fast).

Overall, kudos. Three stars. I'm eager to see how your writing improves in the future.

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I am the Dreamer of the Nexus.